Today, I'm continuing my series on the Top 10 Habits to Get Healthy Value for Your Time. When you bring these 10 habits into your life, you'll have more energy, less stress, and better health. And they can all be done without taking much time from your busy day; it's all about making mindful choices.

Habit #9: Connect with someone you care about each day.

Humans are social creatures. Even those of us who are introverts still need connection with other people. In fact, wanting to create community on a deeper level is one of the most common topics that comes up in my coaching work with clients. It's a paradox of our modern culture that we are bombarded with messages and information while we simultaneously feel isolated.

Having relationships with others improves health. Many research studies have documented an increased risk of death among those who have fewer social relationships. It's a little harder to study the quality of relationships, but the evidence suggests that having lower-quality relationships also correlates with poorer health and increased mortality. 

Social isolation has been found to be a risk factor for poorer outcomes from a wide variety of specific health problems. Conversely, more social support tends to improve outcomes. In addition, relationships with others can improve our quality of life on a daily basis: for example, problems often feel less stressful when we can talk them over with a friend.

Some of you may be thinking, "I interact with dozens of people every day. I don't have the energy for any more social connections!" While that may be true on one level, I'd like to make a distinction between interacting with people and truly connecting with them.

The piece that we are often missing is that we don't listen to other people. We hear them, but we aren't really listening. What creates true connection is listening to someone else with your full attention, so that they truly feel heard and understood. This doesn't need to take a lot of time, but it means stopping what you're doing, making eye contact, and listening. It's not about you, it's about them, and both of you reap the benefits.

Have you ever asked your partner a question, only to continue reading your email while he or she answers, so that you have to ask the question again 5 minutes later? I'm embarrassed to say that I do this more times in a week than I can count. Yesterday, I asked my husband the same question 3 times because I didn't listen to the answer the first two times. This is not the sort of connection that benefits either one of us!

This habit is closely related to habit #7, which is about conscious gratitude. Connecting with others doesn't have to mean meeting new people or finding new relationships, but it does mean looking at the people who are in our lives with a more conscious, mindful appreciation. 

This week I'm resolving to make my connections with my family really count by listening. To do that, I need to let go of my need to process every piece of information that passes in front of me. The newspaper and the email can wait.

Who would you like to connect with more mindfully? What do you need to let go of in order to do that?
 
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